you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
