girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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