lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Blood and glitter go together right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We smell like vodka and hangover
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