I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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