omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
