He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
