Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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