Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
