i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
