I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
