just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
