how can u be prego again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
