my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
