Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I still have a little drunk in my system
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize