This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
