The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
