i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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