Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
