Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
