I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
