I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
