Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
