I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
