I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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