I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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