i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize