South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
