I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
