I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize