Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
