watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my liver is dry heaving
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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