so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
