porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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