I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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