Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
