I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
