All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize