My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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