You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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