Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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