i permit you to call me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
