How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
