I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
