I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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