Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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