Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
