I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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