I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
