Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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