sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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