i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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