So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
