Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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