I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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