if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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