Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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