Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
