would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
