I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
