I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
