wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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