And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
