You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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