did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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