you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
