i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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