I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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