yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
