I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
