It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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