Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
