Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
