He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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