The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
