Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize