I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
