New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize