all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize