She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
