Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
