Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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