i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
