I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
