member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
