why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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