Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize