I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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