Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize