Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
