What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ketchup is God's man juice
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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