I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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