You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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