I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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