Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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