i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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