How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
