U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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