K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
