R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
