Cold hands, warm shart.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He felt like a one man threesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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