He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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