I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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