Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
