Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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