Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
